Genesis 5020

My Story for His Glory

Part II-I Can Sing February 24, 2012

Filed under: Melissa's Genesis 5020 — Melissa Finnegan @ 12:45 pm
Tags: , , , ,
Sony Tape Recorder

Image via Wikipedia

Before I begin Part II, I wanted to direct your attention to a new page I added on my blog, “The Book Shelf.” There you will find books I have read and made a lasting impression on me. If you click on the title of the book it will take you directly to amazon and you can learn more. If you are reading this post through your email click on the title of my post and it will take you to my actual blog and you will see the new page. I hope you find this helpful and will enjoy some of the books!

When I was eight-years-old and in third grade, a woman at the church I attended  approached me and asked me a question that changed my life.  “Would you like to sing on Christmas Eve?”

I remember turning to my mom and saying, “Mom, am I a good singer?”

I never considered singing in front of people until that moment. I always loved to sing. I constantly made up songs and recorded myself on my tape recorder — you remember those, right?

My mom assured me that, yes, I was a good singer. I sang my first solo in 1983 and I will never forget that moment. The dream of being a rock star took root in my heart and I was sure I would be a superstar one day.

Since I am a music teacher and a worship leader you might think this was a positive thing  in my life.

There was one problem.

I discovered a new way to get the attention that I no longer received from my abuser. I found acceptance when I preformed well and I felt like I had power to make people like me.

 I remember counting how many people told me I did a good job after church. If ten people told me I did a good job one time and only eight people told me I did a good job the next, I grew sad. I beat myself up for not doing as good of a job as I did the last time. My identity hung on the approval of people and constantly doing better.

My hungry little  heart thrived on that attention, on being good enough. Yet, I still never felt like I was enough. I needed to keep doing better, perform more, get more pats on the back.

I would never be able to satisfy that desire, but I would continue to look for satisfaction. I knew performing was my ticket. Performing would make me good enough and people would love me.

I had some hard lessons to learn.

My lips will shout for joy when I sing praise to you — I, whom you have redeemed. Psalm 71:23

I told you I wanted to be a rock star when I grew up. What about you, what did you want to be?

Advertisements
 

Part I-The Game February 17, 2012

Filed under: Melissa's Genesis 5020 — Melissa Finnegan @ 12:55 pm
Tags: , , , ,
 
Sexually Abused child.

Image via Wikipedia

First, I just need to say thank you to our church family. God’s amazing love  poured out on us last Sunday. We love you all so much and thank God for you.

As I stated in my last post I will be sharing our Genesis 5020 in installments. There is much to share and I want to be respectful of your time.

Part I:

Somewhere around the age of 4-6 years old, a boy, who I should have been able to trust, asked me if I wanted to “play a game.” Of course I said yes, every kid wants to play a game.

The game was sexual abuse. I did not know the name of this game for many years. I learned how to play and I even tried to take control of the game; I would seek out the attention of the boy and ask him if he wanted to play the game.

He would always say yes.

My little girl mind and heart, thought this was love. I wanted this boy to love me and I believed he did when we played the game. I even remember hoping other boys would want to play. I became very disappointed when no one else gave me the same attention. I thought I must not be loveable, or pretty

At some point the boy stopped asking for the game and I didn’t ask either. But it was too late. Lust had been awakened in me and I didn’t know how to put it back to sleep. Instead, I would try to play the game in different ways for the next twenty-eight years of my life. I would search for power, acceptance and love any way I could get it.

 The boy stopped playing but I would never stop trying to win.

Sexual abuse is one of those things we don’t talk about. But we need to. It is happening all around us. We need to open our eyes to the reality of this truth. We would all be shocked if we knew how many girls and boys have been abused in some way. Sexual abuse doesn’t have to be physical. Being exposed to things a child should not be exposed to —  ex. pornography — is a form of abuse as well. I know ten people who have experienced some type of abuse. This number includes the boy (who is now a man) who abused me.

Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. Song of Songs 8:4 NIV

Let’s open the door and be real. Won’t that tick the devil off? How many women, or men, do you know who have been sexually abused? You can’t count me.  Count yourself if you have been abused, but you don’t need to share that it is you if you don’t wish to. Just give us a number.  Let’s bring what has been hidden in darkness into the light. 

 
 

The Silence Will Be Broken February 10, 2012

Filed under: Introduction to blog — Melissa Finnegan @ 12:37 pm
Tags: , , ,
English: Poppies on Remembrance Sunday Poppies...

Image via Wikipedia

This Sunday, February 12, Patrick and I will be sharing our Genesis 5020 story with our church family. If you are reading this and live local, feel free to attend one of our services at elem3nt chruch to hear the story first hand.

Services times are:

9:00 Blissfield Campus

10:00 Adrian Campus

11:15 Blissfield Campus

After Sunday I will start posting our story in installments on this blog. There is so much to tell, I can’t write everything in one post. I will also be talking about the many layers of the story that we won’t have time for on Sunday.

The verse I am holding on to this week: Remember not the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me for you are good, O Lord. Psalm 25:7

I know God will be faithful, He always is. My prayer is that He will be glorified, He is so good.

Check back weekly, or subscribe so you don’t miss any of God’s story.

Have you ever had to share something really big with anyone? Were you nervous, excited, both?

 

Accidentally on Purpose February 3, 2012

Filed under: Introduction to blog — Melissa Finnegan @ 11:16 am
Tags: , , ,
English: the first of the Epistles to the Colo...

Image via Wikipedia

Last week I wrote about Genesis 50:20. Genesis 50:20 is my life verse, it is what I believe God has done in my life.

Today, since this is still all new, I would like to share with you my ministry verse. The verse I am going to share with you happened accidentally. I was memorizing Colossians 2:2-3 when I started my course with the Christian Writers Guild. One of my first assignments was to come up with a purpose, or a focus, for my writing. I instantly knew the verse I was in the mist of memorizing would be the perfect statement.

My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.         Colossians 2: 2-3 NIV

For me the “they” in that verse is women. I desire for women to be united in love. I desire for women to know the riches of God’s love, the mystery of it all. I love the thought that all treasures of wisdom and knowledge are hidden in Him. When you look for a treasure you know you have to dig, you must search. Treasures aren’t usually lying around. Wisdom and knowledge are two treasures worth digging for. I want to take women on a treasure hunt!

Now that I think about it, I doubt I accidentally found my purpose, God doesn’t have accidents. No, instead I think found my focus accidentally on purpose, that sounds like something God would do.

I don’t have all the answers, not even close,  but I am enjoying the journey. I pray that through my writing and my ministry that more and more women will come to know the God I know; who is big enough to handle anything, yet closer than my next breath.

How about you? Do you have a life verse? A ministry verse? Or maybe you have a verse you are clinging to right now, please share down in the comments.