Genesis 5020

My Story for His Glory

Part III-I Remember March 2, 2012

Filed under: Melissa's Genesis 5020 — Melissa Finnegan @ 12:47 pm
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English: W.I.P.

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I have an exciting announcement to make.

 Starting next week I will be posting on Wednesdays as well as Fridays. I am calling it Write to the Point Wednesdays.

Last week I finished the frist draft of my work in progress (WIP). I will start sharing some of the writing journey and my WIP.

Even more exciting, I will start interviewing authors on Wednesdays. I already have one lined up for April. Authors are really just normal people like you and me. Well,I guess to call writers normal is probably not entirely true, since we are known to hear voices in our heads.

Also, on Write to the Point I will share about books I have read that I think you might enjoy.

Write to the Point is where I will start giving away books, but you can only win if you make a comment on those posts. I can’t wait to see what God has planned for Write to the Point.

Part III:

April 4, 1990 I wrote in my journal: “I’ve done things with (name removed to protect identity) when I was only four. He used to touch me. I felt so dirty, but I liked it, except one time I didn’t want any.”

I apologize if the statement above upsets you, it upsets me. Pity fills me for the young girl who wrote that. Pity because she was so deceived by the enemy’s lies. Pity because that young girl wanted love so desperately but had no idea how to find it.

At that point in my life I felt I was nothing if I didn’t have a boyfriend. I know most fourteen-year-old girls feel this way. But I was obsessed with having someone, anyone, like me. My journal entries are filled with suicide threats and an overall sense of hopelessness.

People who have been abused carry the weight of shame because of statements like the one above. Our minds are twisted because we think we liked it, we didn’t stop it. The blame rests on our shoulders.

April 4, 1990 was the first time I ever wrote what happened to me. But I recalled the events a few years before 1990.

In middle school things started to come together in my mind.  I don’t know what caused me to remember. Between the time of the abuse and the time I realized what happened to me, I never gave it much thought. I do remember odd things during that time; like standing in a room and feeling naked or dirty. I never understood why. Looking back I see shame and guilt covered me.

Shame and guilt are heavy. Darkness is their companion. I wanted light but I had no idea how to find it.

But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. 1 Peter 2:9 ESV

I love verses about light. Find a verse about light that speaks to you and share it with us.

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6 Responses to “Part III-I Remember”

  1. Deanna Says:

    Your Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path. psalm 119:105

    For 26 yrs I had no light unto my path. i’m grateful for God creating a hunger in me to turn on the lamp.

    Yor blog will in time reach women who need answers to their shame and guilt but have no idea where it is coming from. thank you for being so open with your past to begin the healing process in others who will come here and read what Christ can do to restore them as He has you and continues to build you and them up to be what His purpose is for on this earth.

    • Thanks Deanna. That is all I want. I want others to experience the freedom I have found. I just read something yesterday that siad “Free from, to be free to”. Free from my shame and guilt, now I am free to glorify God!

      As Meara would say, you truly are my BFF 🙂 Love you girl!

  2. emiliem Says:

    Hi Melissa. I’m a new acquaintance (geez why am I using a word I need spell-check for!) of yours, but really look forward to reading your blog. I had no idea your topic would be so relate-able.

    As a fellow survivor of child sexual abuse, its not something many people want to talk about and I look forward to your writing and gaining some insight that helps me continue moving forward.

    I hope you tackle how/when a survivor talks to their own children about this topic.

    Have you ever read the book “Speak” by Lorie Anderson? Its relatively short (its a Young Adult book), a great read that can help a young person understand that an untold hurt can destroy you from the inside out.

    Good luck!

    • Thanks for checking my blog.

      No I have not read the book you mentioned book, but I am pretty sure I have heard about it. I will need to check it out. I have to think it was no accident that you walked into elem3nt when you did.

      I have been very open with my children about the abuse, I think the first step to preventing abuse is talking about it. I will address that issue, thanks for reminding me of the need.

      I appreciate you using the work “survivor” of abuse. So many times we hear the word “victim”. I am not a victim, I once was, but now I am a survivor and I am glad to hear you are a survivor too!

      • emiliem Says:

        This “how to say something to my daughter” has weighed on me for a long time. We’ve always talked about their rights to their own body, saying no, telling a grownup when something seems funny/uncomfortable, etc.

        Anyways, you made it seem so simple! My daughter just finished the book I mentioned, and I asked her what she thought and told her that 1 out of 5 girls are sexually abused. She said she knew one person and told me what her classmate had been through, and I said “Nope, you know two. Me.”

        I feared that moment for so long Melissa. So, just saying thanks, again.

      • That is huge! I am so glad you had the courage to tell her. Most statistics I have seen say 1-in-3 girls have been abused and boys 1-in-6. That is a scary truth but one we can’t ignore. But it seems right on with as many women I know who have been abused.

        Melissa Finnegan http://www.5020genesis.wordpress.com

        ________________________________


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