Genesis 5020

My Story for His Glory

Part XII-Losing Control May 4, 2012

Guest post: Patrick Finnegan

God is in control, it doesn’t matter what is happening in your life, the economy, on a political level, or in this world.  God is in control.

When Melissa and I went through the tragedy of Melissa having a physical affair (what we have endearingly nicknamed “the incident,”) God had it all under control and wanted to work on both of us.  I know that seems strange and I never would have guessed it at the time.  

You see, when I found out what happened God spoke very strongly to me, over and over again that I needed to focus on Melissa and her healing.  And that I needed to be there to support and encourage her. 

To be honest, this was very difficult for me. 

I was the one who was hurt.  I was the one who was betrayed.  I was the one who was “sinned against.”  How is this about her?  I was wronged!!  Help me!! 

But through this anger and these questions God spoke to me in His patient comforting voice, “It’s about her right now, love her as I do.  See her as I do.  Comfort her as I do.  Forgive her as I have.  Your healing will come later I promise, but right now it is about her.” 

Are you kidding me God? 

Do you not realize what she did to me?  It felt like she ripped my heart, my life, my children, and my being out of me and threw it away.  And you want me to love her and comfort her without any healing first?  That is when I had it out with God and told Him, “You better take control because I can’t do it.”

This is a huge statement for me that I didn’t realize at the time.  “You better take control God because I can’t do it.” 

For those of you who don’t know me that well, I am the guy that can do anything without the help of anyone.  This is the classic definition of a control freak.  So let me put it mildly; I am a huge control freak. 

So there I was, a child of God in the midst of what felt like everything was out of my control, which it was. 

From all visible angles and evidence I was trapped.  There was no way back, and no way forward. I was in that place no one ever wants to be.  

And the entire time God is speaking His sweet voice to me and I am hearing Him as plain as day

My idol had become Control.  I could control or take control of any situation.  If I couldn’t, I walked away from it.  This included my marriage. 

I tried to control my marriage in a variety of ways, let me tell you it doesn’t work.  God needed to be in control of my marriage, BIG TIME!

The battle I face was that I no longer controlled of any aspect of my life.  All control of anything had been ripped from me. 

Over and over I keep thinking I want out of this marriage. But the scriptures say God hates divorce.  So what was I supposed to do?  As difficult as it was, I obeyed God.  Not because I want to, but simply because He commanded me to. 

I hated it.  I hated the fact that I felt as if Melissa took everything from me and even God didn’t have compassion for me. 

All of this soon to changed. 

I will never forge our 11th anniversary, June 13.  We decided to go out and try to forget about it.  Ya right.  It was a terrible night. Out to eat, out for dessert, trying to pretend like we had everything under control.  Fighting most of the time.  The only time we didn’t fight was when we saw someone from church. We pretended everything was completely ok.

For some reason that evening we decided to go to the Christian bookstore.  As long as I live I will never forget it…I pick up a book about marriage. 

In it there is a section about unfaithfulness in marriage.  I can’t remember the exact words the book used, but it basically said that God understands completely how difficult unfaithfulness in marriage is and that sexual sin is the most serious of all sin.  Because of the seriousness and nature of this type of sin and that it involves multiple people God understands the terrible hurt and grief that go along with it.  And even though God does hate divorce, this is the one reason God would allow it.

I wasn’t trapped anymore.  God understood and would let me out.  He knew I couldn’t bear the pain and grief.  I once again had some control in this situation.  I had a get out of jail free card.  

 Then came that voice again “It’s about her right now, love her as I do.  See her as I do.  Comfort her as I do.  Forgive her as I have.  Your healing will come later I promise, but right now it is about her.” 

Wait, first I have no control, then I do have some control and you are asking me to give it up God?  That is when I realized…

Fear says: It’s over, there’s no way out, I can’t deal with this.

Faith says: I don’t know what God is going to do and I don’t know how, but I know God has it all under control.

So there I stood.  Pondering these two things.  Was I going to trust that God had control of this and allow him to work?  Or was I going to grasp on to any bit of control that I could? 

I hit complete and utter rock bottom.  The only control I had was in making a decision. 

Either I was going to take the only control I could and drag her through the mud where I stood to lose everything.  Or would I practice what I had preached to other people but had never fully done myself. which Completely put all my trust and faith in God and know that He was in control and He would take care of this situation. 

This was the darkest moment of my life. 

Here is a lesson that will change your life; God works the night shift. The greatest miracle of your life may only be an hour away. It always gets the darkest just before the dawn.  God worked on and spoke to me through many nights.

Without knowing it I was finally in position for a miracle, for God almighty to do what I could never do. He had  been waiting for me to recognize one of the idols in my life; control.  He was waiting for me to recognize my weakness, and His strength.

You’ll never know His strength until you recognize your weakness.

The Lord told the Apostle Paul: 2 Corinthians 12:9 New Living Translation (NLT)  Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.  

 That is one reason we share our story.

Have you struggled with letting go of control? Don’t we all at some point? Are you willing to share with us some areas you have had to let go of in your own life?

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3 Responses to “Part XII-Losing Control”

  1. mybroom Says:

    Melissa, this is an amazing post, thank you for sharing it. Graeme

  2. […] mentioned last week we went to a bookstore that night. I was searching for something while I was there. Something that […]


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