In the back of Every Woman’s Battle is a phone number that will put you in touch with counselors in your area. Patrick made the call and we had an appointment only days after my last email to the man.
Our appointment was set for 10:00 in the morning. We dropped our kids off at Deanna’s and headed in the direction of what we prayed would be healing.
I remember telling Patrick I hoped the counselor didn’t ask if sexual abuse played a part in my life because I didn’t even want to talk about it. I felt like people used that as an excuse for making bad choices. I was just a bad person. I had no excuse.
We arrived and waited. And waited. And waited.
Finally, one of the secretaries came out and told us they made our appointment but forgot to tell the counselor about it. She asked if we could come back at 5:00.
I immediately felt defeated. We had band practice that evening and Patrick’s parents where watching the kids for us. I did not want to explain to them that we needed to drop the kids of sooner because we had to talk to a counselor.
We left without making another appointment.
On the drive home I stared out the window of our car and thought, “What is the point? Nothing will help us.”
I honestly believed that appointment didn’t work out because we weren’t meant to fix our marriage.
Patrick and I talked about what we should do and I did not make things easy.
I fell back into my dark hole. In my hole I saw no hope, no light. Death surrounded me. So I spoke death. I didn’t care if we ever saw the counselor.
Thankfully, once again, Patrick persisted and before we arrived home he called the counselor’s office back and we scheduled an appointment for that night at 5:00.
We decided to tell his parents we just had an earlier rehearsal with our band then we thought. Yes, a lie. But we were not ready to make our story public.
At 5:00 we sat in the same room we waited in seven hours earlier. This time our counselor came out and got us.
I can’t really remember what we talked about that first session. I know Patrick did most of the talking.
I couldn’t get the words out. To actually say, “I had an affair ” seemed impossible.
What I do remember about that first session was the feeling that swept over me when the counselor prayed. A feeling I never felt before, like God was in the room, like his arms wrapped around me.
As Patrick and I stepped out into the parking lot the sun shone brightly down on us, we stopped walking and looked at each other.
We both smiled. At the same time.
“What do you think?” Patrick took my hand.
“I think we’re going to make it. ” I don’t know how I knew that but I did. For the first time, since this all began I believed we had a chance at surviving.
Patrick drew me into his arms and held me as I cried.
As we climbed into the car Patrick reminded me, “The best part is we get to go worship God now.”
Yes, we were on our way to a band practice. We were learning a new song.
Day and night they never stop saying: “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come.”…… “You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they were created and have their being.” Revelation 4:8 &11 NIV
When things were going wrong in your life did you reach a point when you knew everything would be okay? How did you know?