Genesis 5020

My Story for His Glory

Becoming Numb-Part 3 December 7, 2012

Filed under: Heather's Genesis 5020 — Melissa Finnegan @ 11:01 am
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Here is part three of Heather’s Genesis 5020. Click here for last week’s and from there you can follow back to the first week.

Later that same year, I found out I was pregnant with my friend’s boyfriend’s baby

I was still dancing, prostituting and doing all kinds of drugs and alcohol.  I thought a baby would interfere with my lifestyle and besides, my friend was never givensad-woman-1347879026vYL the opportunity to have her boyfriend’s baby, how could I, being a good friend, have his baby.   

I told them I was pregnant and they immediately offered to pay for the abortion

So on December 6, 2006, I terminated my pregnancy.  I was 8 ½ weeks along.  I was very emotionally upset after I did that, which drove me even further into my drug and alcohol addiction.

I continued my reckless lifestyle. 

I turned 28 in January, 2007.  At the end of February, I found out I was pregnant again

I wasn’t sure who the father was, it could have been a few different people this time.  I knew I still wasn’t ready to make any changes in my lifestyle. 

I struggled the way it was to take care of the daughter I had, how could I take care of another child? 

On March 6, 2007(yes, exactly 3 months after my first abortion), I terminated my pregnancy

I was only 4 weeks along but I knew even then, I had murdered another child of mine

The effects of abortion are devastating.  There are no words to describe the feeling of having a life ripped from your body

See, for my first abortion, I was completely under anesthesia but for my second one, I only had the laughing gas so I was still aware of what was happening to me and my baby.  I felt so ashamed and guilty

The only way I knew how to cope with those feelings was to numb myself

I was numb for years after that. 

I refused to feel anything, the moment I started to feel a twinge of anything, I took a drink or found some drugs.  I was dying and didn’t care. 

Any sign of the good, Christian girl I was, was long gone.  I had turned into a monster I didn’t know and had no idea how to control. 

I did anything and everything to stay numb.

He will once again fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy. Job 8:21 NLT

It amazes me to think about how I prayed for Heather during all of this, not knowing what was happening. My prayer was “Do whatever it takes to bring her home.”  Reading this you would think this might be enough. But God, in all His wisdom knows what it will take to bring us back to Him.

Heather’s “whatever it takes” wouldn’t happen for three more years. 

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4 Responses to “Becoming Numb-Part 3”

  1. Jolene Says:

    Heather – Thanks for allowing God to speak through your story – I cannot wait to hear the end! Because I know God wins this one!!! Praying for you as you share what will surely touch and change lives!

  2. […] you have missed previous weeks you can click here for last week and from there you can keep clicking to find the first […]

  3. […] This is her “whatever it takes”. […]


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