Genesis 5020

My Story for His Glory

The Brokenhearted-Part 5 December 21, 2012

Filed under: Heather's Genesis 5020 — Melissa Finnegan @ 10:58 am
Tags: , , ,

For the next two weeks I will only be posting on Fridays. I will resume Write to the Point Wednesdays on January 9 with a fresh batch of authors.

I pray you all have a wonderful Christmas with your family. I am humbled everyday that you choose to read this blog. I pray this year you have been blessed in some way through these ramblings and you will find your own Genesis 5020. Embrace each moment and remember who we celebrate.

Today we continue with Heather’s Genesis 5020.

281-12141089520ahwThe summer of 2008, I met a man who happened to be a drug dealer and I fell for him.  He was living in a halfway house.  He was doing time for selling drugs and stealing cars. 

I didn’t care what he had done, he made me feel so special, I hadn’t felt that way in years, I hadn’t felt anything in years. 

He spent as much time with me as he could living in a halfway house.  When he was supposed to be working, he would hang out with me and sell drugs.  Eventually, he got in trouble and had to go back to prison. 

I was heartbroken when I didn’t get to see him everyday.  But he called me and wrote me letters.

In January, 2009 I was able to go visit him in prison  I was able to see “my love” again.  At our first visit, he told me he needed me to bring him drugs and explained in great detail how I should do it. 

I foolishly agreed, I would do anything for him. 

So the next time I visited him, I transported drugs to him. It was so easy and the thrill of the danger was addicting.  He promised me he would have people send me money for the drugs I took to him.  He said the price of drugs in prison was so much higher than on the streets.  I did get some money from some people here and there but never anything like he said I would. 

Even so, I continued to take him whatever he asked of me, no matter what the cost to me.  Spending all this money on drugs for him took a major toll on my finances that were already doing poorly. 

At the end of March 2009, I didn’t have enough money to pay my rent so I was evicted from my apartment.  I am thankful I had a true friend who took my daughter and I in and let us stay with her for  about 3 months. 

It was a stressful time in my life, moving and my daughter having to switch schools but it was nice to have support from someone who cared about us. 

Even though all these horrible things were happening in my life as a direct result of the poor choices I had made, I still had no desire to make any changes

I found myself pushing even harder to find customers I could sell myself to, I was even taking less and less money for my services. 

I didn’t realize it at the time but my self-worth was nothing, I didn’t value myself at all. 

My customers saw me as nothing and I saw myself as worthless, only good for one thing.

I had one customer in particular that saw me as nothing but his slave.  That was his thing, I was his slave and he was my master.  He would beat me severely on my chest and my back.  I never had to have sex with him but I always had to take a beating.  One time, he even burned my breasts with a cigarette over and over.  He truly made me feel like I was nothing. 

 My boyfriend made me feel good most of the time but I knew deep down that if he truly loved me like he said he did, he would not ask me to take such risks for him.  I was risking my freedom, my daughter. 

If I got caught taking drugs to him, I would go to prison and my daughter would go into foster care.  Getting caught never crossed my mind, my head was clouded by the thought that someone actually loved me. 

I moved out of my friend’s house in June 2009. 

In September 2009, my boyfriend got out of prison.  I picked him up and he came to my apartment. He spent most of the day with me.  I thought we were going to be together. We had talked about marriage and having kids and possibly moving to California together. 

That night he went to the store and never came back. 

I waited for him all night, hoping my gut instinct was wrong but it wasn’t. I never heard from him again. 

All his letters to me about how he loved me, how we were going to have a family, all of it was a huge lie.  He said all those things and made me feel so special just so I would do what he wanted me to do.  He never cared about me or the chances I took for him. 

All of that for nothing, just to be left. 

He didn’t value me at all, he was worse than my customers, at least they valued me enough to pay me. 

That was my thinking back then.  How sad was that?

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed. Psalm 34:18 NLT

Heather and I started talking via email in January 2009. My brother had found her MySpace page and we knew she was dancing. I emailed her and told her she didn’t need to hide from me because I knew the truth. We talked on and off.

In March, when Heather got evicted from her apartment, she emailed me to ask for money. My husband and I talked about it and consulted a few trusted friends about what to do.

We decided, instead of throwing money at her, we would offer to pay for plane tickets home and let her move in with us.

She declined.

It wasn’t time yet. But soon, very soon.

What’s your Genesis 5020? Share your story at: 5020genesisstories (at)gmail(dot)com

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