I was looking through some old things that I’ve written and came across a letter I wrote to God on the last day of 2009. Although it is several years old it is a good reminder for all of us of how good God really is. I know I need to be reminded at times because life isn’t perfect, is it? But God doesn’t change.
The letter is pretty long but I hope you will be blessed by it and maybe take some time to write your own letter to God this New Year and reflect on 2013 and the blessings He has lavished on you or maybe you need to pour your heart out to Him in your brokenness and hope for a better year in 2014. God is in the business of making all things new 🙂
Have a Happy New Year!!
Today is the last day in 2009. I just wanted to reflect on this year. I never thought the worse thing I could ever do would turn into the best thing You could ever do. But Your word says you make ALL things beautiful. Not just something’s, but ALL.
You have done just that.
This year started with stress, stress in my job, discontent there. The worse musical I ever did with my students. But you turned that around. Good things were happening in my ministry at church, you never stopped using me. The kids were great, Meara did well in school, Kieran got cuter with each passing day.
Yet, my life with you was not intimate and that reflected into my marriage, didn’t it Lord? I read my devotions, I read my Christian books. I had moments of seeing you a bit more clearly but it all too quickly faded away and I was left wanting more. I didn’t think I could find it in my current life. I figured things were they way they were forever.
My marriage lacked connection. I longed for connection-of course I did, I needed it from You.
But I went looking elsewhere.
I finally gave into Facebook and I knew I would find connection, it was a matter of time. I fought Patrick so hard, he couldn’t understand. Why would he? He thought everything was fine and I guess I thought it was too. I wouldn’t fall again, I just wanted a little attention from somebody, I wanted to feel wanted by somebody other than the person that HAD to because he married me.
I found it, or so I thought.
I believed every lie the enemy threw at me. How could I have been so blind? But this is not a time for remorse. No, I want to rejoice in you.
Lord, out of my pit You saved me. My heart was hard but You were patient with me, You never gave up on me, You never walked away.
The amazing thing is You sent my husband to show me Your great love. I never knew what Patrick was truly made of until he jumped in the pit with me and started pushing me up out of it. How strong he was.
I fought him so hard, trying to break free, thinking I belonged in the pit of my despair, that he should just climb out and leave me there to my own devices. He didn’t, he could have, he had every reason to leave me there.
But he didn’t. You made him so strong.
Little by little I clawed my way to the top of the pit. It did not happen over night, I slide down a few times and thought it might just be easier to stay, to stop trying. And I think there were times when Patrick thought the same thing, what’s the use, is it really worth this?
We kept on fighting, and finally I was at the top of the pit, with Patrick pushing me up and as my hand reached up over the edge for something to pull me completely out I felt Your hand grasp mine. I looked up and saw Your eyes smiling down on me. I was covered in filth, nothing beautiful to behold, yet the King of Kings looked at me with so much love my breath caught. Then You knelt down and said, “I’ve been waiting for you, my beloved.”
Me? You were waiting for me? Why, after all I did. After all the lies I told, you waited for me? Why Lord, why? You pulled me out and drew me into Your embrace and there I asked for forgiveness, I wept and I clung.
The journey did not end there, Patrick and have grown closer and more honest than ever before. I never thought I could have a marriage like I do. I didn’t know Patrick was such a warrior, but I see now he is everything I always dreamed of and You gave him to me. I also never knew such love from both of you. I thought I had to be perfect to get real love and since I knew I never could be perfect I thought I would never know real love.
I don’t have to be perfect.
Lord, my Father, my relationship with You is utterly the most important thing in my life. I hate days when I don’t take time to talk to You or listen to You. I am sorry for those days.
I know what true love is now, I have tasted it and felt it. I never knew I could feel this way about You or that You felt this way about me. It amazes me and never stops.
You truly have taken the single worse thing I have ever done and used it for Your glory. I pray that You never stop using it for Your glory, I want my life to glorify You.
You are beautiful. My words simply cannot express all that I am feeling. But You know my heart. I know you can take anything and make something beautiful, You are so good.
Last night as I lay in bed I was overcome with joy. My life could be so different, You could have taken all of this away from me and that is what I deserved but You in your goodness did not. You took nothing away from me, in fact You gave me a new marriage and a better understanding of Your great love.
I know I still don’t fully comprehend that, but I understand more than ever before. You have given me a greater vision for my life. You have given me so much more than I deserve. Thank you is not enough.
2009 could have easily been the worse year of my life but once again you have proven that you take the broken and make something new.
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland. Isaiah 43: 18-19
You have done that in my life Lord. And now my new verse I am memorizing going into 2010 is this:
My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasure of wisdom and knowledge. Colossians 2: 2-3
I want that for the world Lord. Show me how to do that, I don’t want any other women to feel they have to steal love to get love. It is freely give from you. May 2010 be year I start to make that happen, with your power.
Thank your for you goodness, your great love that I will never deserve but I will forever be grateful for.
Thank you for your faithfulness.
Thank you for allowing this pain that I had to go through to get me to where I am now.
Thank you for giving me an amazing husband, the strongest man I know.
Thank you for loving him and empowering him to get through the worse suffering he has probably ever known.
Thank you for making him my warrior.
With ALL my heart….
Your Beloved, Melissa