What do couples fight about most? Is it sex, money, children, in-laws, or time management? The answer is: “none of the above. Couples can get into power struggles over anything. It is not any specific subject, but the act of fighting, that drives us. We want what we don’t have and will fight to get it. And this drives a wedge between us and the ones we love.
In this book Dr. David Hawkins, bestselling author, psychologist, and advice columnist, outlines a plan of action to assure that you “Never Fight Again . . . Guaranteed!” Dr. Hawkins argues for a paradigm shift that will take your relationship from one built on selfishness to one of sacrificial love. Once we do that, we give up the fight, care for ourselves and those around us, and change our hearts for the better.
Whenever I see something that says guaranteed I am a bit hesitant about believing it. But when I saw this book I thought, “why not?” I would love to never fight again with my husband.
Here’s the thing, if we did the stuff this book says we wouldn’t ever fight again. But honestly, I have to wonder how healthy some of the suggestions are? I worried that I would be keeping everything bottled up and eventually I would blow.
With that being said there is a lot of good advice in this book and I highlighted some things that clicked with me.
One issue I struggle with is getting defensive. Hawkins states “Defensiveness is the feeling we must master if we want to succeed at never fighting again.” That’s so true. If I didn’t get defensive over the things my husband said or pointed out we wouldn’t fight.
He also said something about expectation that resonated with me: “When I hear the word, expectation, I often substitute the word demand in its place. Why? Because for many, an expectation is just that.” Yikes. I see that in my marriage.
So, even though I thought some of this stuff was a no brainer other parts made sense to me. Will my husband and I fight again? Guaranteed…but at least now I am a bit more aware of my actions and hopefully we will process things differently.
Visit David here.
A copy of this book was given to me by the publisher through Netgalley.com in exchange for an honest review.