God is so Good…or is He? October 11, 2019

Photo by Roberto Nickson on Unsplash

So many times I have stood in stage as I lead worship and told the congregation that God is good. No matter where you are God is still good. I said this from a place of comfort in my life. Nothing was going on to challenge that…until October 3rd.

My daughter plays volleyball, she has since 5th grade. We have watched her grow from the shortest girl on the team who was easily overlooked to the MVP her sophomore year. From athlete of the week her junior year to securing a position at the collegiate level. Her senior year was supposed to be her year to shine, to build her stats, be captain, maybe even be MVP again.

It all started before the school year. Twins moved to our small town, twins who had already been recruited to a D1 school, twins who are over six feet tall. My daughter is barely 5’7″. She was unsure what that meant for her since one of the girls played her position and the girls kind of changed the dynamic of the team.

She did get voted captain and we were so happy for her. But she sat more then normal this year, no one (not even other parents) understood why.

Then on October 3rd we went to a volleyball game that we were sure would be an easy win. The first set our girls dominated. They started the 2nd set and were winning again. My daughter got set, she went up to spike it, came down and went all they way to the floor.

Initially I thought she hurt her ankle, she had done that the previous year but then I realized it was her knee. My momma heart wanted to run on the court but I let the trainer and coach do their job, hoping she would stand up soon and be fine, but finally the coach motioned us over.

This is still hard to write, it still hurts to relive.

I took her hand, but she wasn’t really crying, so I took that as a good sign. The trainer thought she might have just popped her knee cap out. She recommended a place for us to go the next day.

I laid hands on her knee that night and prayed for a miracle. I was so sure God wouldn’t let it be anything too bad, that He might even heal her instantly or at least by the next morning.

My husband took her to the doctors and the texts started rolling in: “It doesn’t look good.” “Could be anywhere from six weeks to nine months for recovery.” “MRI at one ‘o clock.”

I wanted to just break down and cry. No, I prayed, this shouldn’t be happening.  But I had a room full of a students and had to sub on my conference hour, I couldn’t cry, there was no time

Did I mention homecoming was October 5th?

We got the call around three o’clock that she tore her ACL and meniscus. She would need surgery and possibly take 6-9 months for recovery.

Her high school volleyball season was over.

Musical is questionable.

Her senior year.

I was mad.

I was mad at God.

If He can bring the dead to life, open the eyes of the blind, make the lame walk, why couldn’t he heal my child? A child he “supposedly” loves more than I do? Yes, I was questioning this.

I was finally able to break down and then it was hard to shut it off. I never cried in front of my daughter, I didn’t want her to know how sad I was, or that I was questioning God’s goodness. But I most definitely was…I was questioning everything I knew to be true.

How could He care for her more than me when He allowed this to happened, if I had the power to stop it I would have. I don’t believe He caused it but He didn’t stop it either, He could have stopped it, but he didn’t. Why?

Why?

I asked that question over and over.

I’m better.

I do believe God is good. But on Sunday it was hard to stand on stage and sing those words. How ironic (or not) that I chose that song on Monday, before any of this happened, but God knew it would happen and He knew I would struggle with it. My heart was broken.

My daughter though…she is one strong woman. Her spirits have been pretty good, she has her moments, but she still went to homecoming. The other night during the volleyball game she was an encourager to her teammates. Without this moment I don’t think I would have realized how strong she is.

I keep remembering what this blog is named after: Genesis 5020.

I know the enemy caused this, not God. The enemy wants to harm her but God will use this for good. I don’t know what that is right now. And it’s still hard to believe that good can come from this set back, but if I don’t have God, I have nothing.

Another irony (or not) my son asked me recently what my greatest fear was and without thought I said something bad happening to my kids. I also read recently your greatest fear reveals where you trust God the least…hmmm.

On a long walk Sunday afternoon I surrendered my daughter to Jesus. It wasn’t easy, it was through tears and heartache. But I need to remember He REALLY does love her more than I do and want the best for her.

So is God good?

Yes, He is.

I will continue to say that until I believe it again.

The good news is her recovery is projected for 5-6 months, the college coach still loves her and wants her, she will probably be able to do the musical. All is not lost and I realize it could be so much worse, I know families who have endured far more, my child can still walk and will play volleyball again, she isn’t dead or dying.

She will be fine and who knows, maybe someday she will share her Genesis 5020 on this blog 🙂

Here is the song I had to sing this Sunday, maybe you need to hear it. Click here.

Lessons from the Robins: Leaving the Nest July 19, 2019

Photo by Luke Brugger on Unsplash

Baby robins start out in the nest waiting with anticipation for mama to come and feed them. But the day comes when they have to leave.

The robins at our campsite left a couple of weeks ago and I happen to be outside when it happened. One by one they would fly/fall out of the nest and hop around and begin exploring.

This reminds me of church and then the rest of the week.

I love going to church and worshiping with other believers and being fed by my pastor, but we can’t stay in that environment where pretty much everyone thinks like us. The service ends and we have to leave and go out into the world were it’s not as safe. Where someone who doesn’t think like us might not like us.

I do have a lesson on what happens when you don’t leave the nest but that will be a later post for now let’s focus on us leaving.

As much as we love the safety of being in church and around like minded people we have to go out into the real world. Honestly, what should happen is our faith becomes so big we can’t fit it into a Sunday and we have to share, we feel compelled to share our faith.

Those birds are growing and they can’t all fit into the nest, the have to leave and go out into the world.

The same is true with us. The good news for us is that we can return and go back to church each Sunday and to get refreshed. The robins don’t get to the that. Once they are out they are done.

I encourage you to take those moments in church to get refreshed, get feed, but may your faith become so big that you have no choice but to share it with the world around you during the week.

God Loves the World January 4, 2019

Photo by Juliana Kozoski on Unsplash

Sometimes I don’t like the world, if I’m being honest. I get so frustrated with all the things that are wrong. I’ve especially been struggling this year with keeping a positive attitude and loving people.

Just being real here.

One day as I stood in my classroom waiting for my students to come I overheard student’s using Jesus’ name over and over. Not the first time. This seems to be more of a “thing” now. I have even heard middle schoolers do it. Let’s just say they aren’t praying or praising Him.

My heart breaks because these kids don’t know the power of Jesus name, what it really means. To them it’s a substitute for a swear word. I was even in Christian book store and my daughter told me later that a costumer got frustrated with an employee and whispered “Jesus” under her breath. Again, it didn’t sound like a prayer or a praise.

Anyway, back to my classroom (where I have also had a student tell me she is now transgender and I need to start calling her by her male name, yet she wears a skirt and full on make-up two weeks later…hmmm). I stood there wondering what is wrong with the world and these kids and Jesus whispered in my heart the most basic of all verses, John 3:16.  “I love the world. I love them.”

We brush over that verse, don’t we, I do? It was the first verse I ever memorized, probably like most of you, and now it seems cliché. Yet, it’s anything but.

God SO loved the word. God loved the world and He still does. He loves those kids that throw around his Son’s name, He loves them even though they don’t know Him. He loves the girl who is confused about her gender.

The question then becomes will I love them? Will you love them? Will we look at them with different eyes?

Instead of being judgmental and disgusted we need to see them the way our Father sees them. We need to remember we were once there too.

God loves the world. I see the world as the people, not the things we/they do, but the souls. He loves their souls and wants to save them. The crazy part is He uses us to do that, to reveal His Son.

How are we doing?

Me?

Not so good. I will even isolate myself so I don’t have to deal with people. This isn’t what Jesus would do. Yes, He withdrew to be with His Father, but He didn’t hide and I can find myself doing that. Ugh.

My prayer:

God so loved the world that included a broken little girl named Melissa. This caused Melissa to so love the world that she laid aside her own desires and thoughts and simply love the world too.

Feel free to replace my name with yours and see if that stirs something up in you.

Make 2019 the year we remember how much God loves the world and may we lean into that love and learn to love the world better.

 

 

Desperate to Know His Commands August 31, 2018

Photo by Verne Ho on Unsplash

I don’t think I posted last week but I will just do the four verses I read this week from Psalm 119:

²⁵ I lie in the dust;
    revive me by your word.
²⁶ I told you my plans, and you answered.
    Now teach me your decrees.
²⁷ Help me understand the meaning of your commandments,
    and I will meditate on your wonderful deeds.
²⁸ I weep with sorrow;
    encourage me by your word.

A reoccurring theme in these verses is David’s desperate desire to know and understand God’s word, his commands, his decrees.

How did David get to the point of wanting to know them so badly? Sometimes I think it might be better if I don’t know, that way I don’t know if I screwed up. Just being real here.

But I know that is not what God desires. He wants an intimate relationship with us and the only for that to happen is to fully understand Him.

So I make these verses my prayer and know that God is faithful to answer.

Prone to Wander August 4, 2018

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We are continuing on our journey of Psalm 119.  Below is what I read this week.

Psalm 119:9-12 New Living Translation (NLT)

⁹ How can a young person stay pure?
    By obeying your word.
¹⁰ I have tried hard to find you—
    don’t let me wander from your commands.
¹¹ I have hidden your word in my heart,
    that I might not sin against you.
¹² I praise you, O Lord;
    teach me your decrees.

I could focus on each verse but I won’t. Instead verse 10 kept getting me.

How many times have I cried out to God and said, “Hey, I’m trying to find you and I am not seeing you and I feel like I am going to wander off the the path you have for me.”

Have you had that desperate moment? And honestly, sometimes they are truly desperate and I am screaming at Him. It’s a good thing He’s a big God.

I  have the words from Come Thou Fount in my head as I read that verse:

Prone to wander, Lord I feel, prone to leave the God I love.

What heart-felt words, and so true. Without God continually guiding us we are prone to wander from the path he has for us, prone to turn our backs on all we know is true.

How do we stay on the path?

These verses make it clear.

Hide His Word in our heart. Jesus is the Word, so we can look at this a couple of ways. Have Jesus in our hearts and have scripture in our hearts, at the ready.

My go to scripture when I feel like I could wander is: Create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me. (Psalm 51)

Do you have a scripture hidden in your heart you go to when you feel you could be pulled into old habits or away from something you know God has called you to? I would love to hear your verses. Feel free to share!

Joyful are . . . July 20, 2018

Photo by Jens Lelie on Unsplash

I read something this week (I can’t remember what) that made me take a look at Psalm 119 and felt compelled to really study it. Each day I am looking at a new verse, writing it down and reflecting.

The beginning of this chapter talks about those who are joyful. Read below.

Psalm 119 NLV

¹ Joyful are people of integrity,
    who follow the instructions of the Lord.
² Joyful are those who obey his laws
    and search for him with all their hearts.
³ They do not compromise with evil,
    and they walk only in his paths.
⁴ You have charged us
    to keep your commandments carefully.

So basically Joyful people are people with integrity, follow God instructions, obey his law, search for him with all your heart, don’t compromise with evil and walk in his paths.

Joy all boils down to following God. Hearing what he says and doing it.

Here is the crazy thing. Since I have been studying these verse I have been dealing with a lot of anger. I am getting angry and irritated very easily, mostly with my children. I’m not sure where this anger is coming from, it’s so no like me but I feel it rise up and I don’t know what to do with it. I have to leave the room before I say things I will later regret.

This tells me I am on to something the enemy doesn’t want me to figure out.

The enemy doesn’t want us to figure out the key to joy, but it’s right here in Psalm 119.

Yes, this all seems like a tall order, to follow what these verses say, but let’s not write it off because it seems hard. Let’s make it our goal, what we strive for, or even fight for when need be.

Let’s be people of integrity, who do the right thing even when no one else will see or hear us, let’s follow God’s instructions and seek him with all our hearts. Let’s not compromise with evil, even in our thoughts, which honestly is the most dangerous place to do so.

I hope you’ll embark with me on this journey into Psalm 119 and discover what God has for us.

Give Me Faith March 30, 2018

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

Happy Good Friday!

I don’t know about you but this year Easter rushed up on me and I don’t really feel mentally prepared, if that makes sense. My head space isn’t filled with thoughts of Good Friday or Easter. But I want to get there.

Part of the problem is I just came out of directing the high school musical and I have been busy with that.

This past Sunday as I was leading worship (actually it was while we were practicing) I was reminded how good our God is.

This musical hasn’t been a fun one for me. Too much drama with kids not getting what they want. The beginning was rough, I would come home crying and thinking about not directing next year.

I found this song in January, Give Me Faith, and loved it because I desperately needed to believe everything would be okay, that Jesus had this, that He keeps his promises.

We sang that song this past Sunday and I was moved to tears. Jesus got me through, and it all worked out. The kids finally saw my reason for casting students in certain roles. One girl who was very upset when the cast list was posted said she had the most most fun in this musical then ever before.

God is faithful, He is good, we can trust His word.

If you have a minute listen to this song and make it your prayer today.

Click here. 

Restore To Me February 2, 2018

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. Psalm 51:12 NIV

I have shared over the last few months how I have struggled to find joy. If I’m being honest I never really found it, I mean I know it comes from Jesus, but I wasn’t feeling it.

On Monday I was dreading another week of teaching and musical rehearsals. I wasn’t enjoying my job at all and I have a good one. So I just prayed, “Lord, restore to me the joy of Your salvation.”

That was it, my simple prayer.

My Monday ended really horribly with a voicemail from an angry parent who said somethings that I perceived as threatening. To the point I forwarded it to my principle and recorded it on my phone for proof of this ominous message.

This normally would have ruined my day and week. But something shifted on Tuesday.

I felt this overwhelming joy and peace as I taught all day. I talked to the girl whose mother called me and cleared up some things and felt peace. I had the best day I have had all year, taught with energy and purpose and the rest of my week followed suit. Even when my keyboard died in the middle of teaching a choir class . . . yeah, not good.

Oh well, I shrugged, I can still teach. And I did.

I saw that voicemail for the evil it was. the enemy did  not want the joy of the Lord to sustain me, but it did. The voicemail dripped with the enemy’s voice and threats. I laugh now because it is so obvious to me.

This week the joy of the Lord’s salvation has been restored to me, at long last. If you find yourself dreading your days make this verse your simple prayer. Just keep saying it all day, week, month, year long until you feel His joy fill you and sustain you. He will answer.

 

 

Worth Living For — Twice! January 19, 2018

Photo by Enis Yavuz on Unsplash

As little girls we all long to be noticed. We twirl, we dance, we look our best. We long for our daddies to notice his little princess and to let us know he sees us. We thrive on this and sadly, it becomes part of our identity as adults. If we didn’t find that affirmation from our daddies we go looking at it from someone else, usually other men. But our quest to get noticed is never satisfied, we are always lefts wondering, “Am I noticed? Am I worth living for?”

My answer to those questions was “no.” My father told me many times that he had “no reason to live.”

This broke my heart. I wanted to ask him, “Aren’t I enough reason to live daddy?” But I never did and I lived my life trying to find someone who thought I was worth living for. As you can imagine I was never satisfied with any answer I received.

Then, one day, as I was mulling over the comment my father made to me over 20 years ago, I heard my Heavenly Father whisper my long-awaited answer. This is what He said, “Melissa, not only are you worth living for, but you are worth dieing for and living for again.” My heartbeat quickened as this truth sunk in. All this time the truth was right before me. What my earthly father could not confirm in my heart my Heavenly Father confirmed in me twice over.

This truth is not just for me but also for all of you who have ever questioned if you are worth living for. Think about your Heavenly Father and you will get your answer. You are so worth living for He lived for you twice, and even further than that He died for you so he could live with you forever.

That is the truth each us needs to embrace and live with. You are worth living for — twice!

New Blog Announcement and a Song January 13, 2018

Photo by Jannis Brandt on Unsplash

As most of you know I have been on this journey to better health. It’s been on my heart of while to start a blog that focuses on that. I don’t want to muddy Genesis 5020 up with that because that wasn’t the point of this blog. Although, reviewing books wasn’t the point either but it still lines up with my title and tag (My Story for God’s Glory).

So I have started a new blog, a place to share my journey to healthy living, recipes and hopefully review some cookbooks. It is called Eat or Drink and the tag is  For the Glory of God. This comes from the verse 1 Corinthians 10:30: Whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it for the glory of God. 

I have been to a lot of health blogs but none that keep the focus on Jesus. And for me that’s where it needs to be so I thought I would start one. Obviously, if this doesn’t interest you don’t pop over there but if it does I hope you will join me.

Here is the link.  Eat or Drink.

I also wanted to share a song with you. It’s actually not new, but new to me. It’s been speaking to my heart this week and I hope it will speak to yours as well. Have a blessed weekend.

Click here to listen.