It was about six weeks ago now.
When I first felt it I felt like I was going to vomit, it couldn’t be. I seriously felt sick to my stomach. I had to stop feeling it. And I did for a few weeks. I ignored it hoping it would go away.
When I finally had the courage to see if it was still there about two weeks later, it was.
My husband and I had a vacation planned to Mackinac Island to celebrate our 20th anniversary so I decided to wait until after that to make an appointment. I didn’t want bad news and be consumed with it on our vacation.
Let me tell you the first lie the enemy whispered in my ear:
“You lost all this weight because you have had a cancer the whole time, not because you have changed the way you eat and are exercising.”
I almost laugh now at the craziness of that lie. But at the time it seemed like it could be true.
The day after my vacation I called the doctor and I got an appointment for the next day.
I honestly hadn’t had any freak out moments up to that point. I kept telling myself, “You don’t know what it is. There is no reason to freak out until you have answers.”
The night before my appointment I had a freak out. I laid in bed unable to sleep. I started to recite scripture but still my mind started to play scenes in my head of telling my kids I have cancer, how my life will look different. Would I be able to direct the musical? I started thinking of friends who had breast cancer I could reach out to.
I didn’t tell too many people about this because I didn’t want anyone to worry. I knew my parents would worry and they didn’t need that. I only told a couple of friends who I do my Bible Study with.
I laid in bed and cried that night. I finally grabbed my iPad and researched lumps. I found that only 20% of lumps are actually cancer, and that they are usually not circular. Mine felt pretty circular and now I had an 80% chance of it not being cancer.
I went to my appointment. My doctor said she thought it was a cyst but there was no way to know for sure until we had a mammogram.
We scheduled an appointment for the next week.
Again, I didn’t worry all week long but when I got in the car to go I was nervous and that is why I wrote the blog I wrote two weeks ago and shared those songs about fear. God is so good, giving me those songs as I drove to this appointment.
I will say the ladies that did my mammogram and then ultrasound were very serious, but nice. I was getting worried again as I sat there. This seemed all so real. I could have cancer.
The radiologist came into the room and looked serious too. He said he was pretty sure it was a fibroid something or other (can’t remember the name). But the only way to know for sure was to have a biopsy.
I went into another room and met the consultant, a wonderful woman. She was so kind. We chatted about the Upper Peninsula, which I love, her family lives up there.
But as she was telling me what to expect when had the biopsy she told me the results take about 3-5, so I didn’t have to wait too long. Then she said with confidence, “But you don’t have to worry. You’re not worried, are you?”
I started crying then with the relief that washed over me. I felt her words were prophetic, I didn’t have to worry.
I called Patrick and started crying again, overwhelmed but the kindness I had been shown and knowing that ultimately it came from the Lord.
The next week I had my biopsy. Patrick went with me. We prayed before hand. I felt pretty peaceful.
When the doctor came into the room he looked at my ultrasound and said, “Oh, this isn’t anything to worry about.”
Do you sense a theme?
He was so kind, as were the nurses.
After he was done I had to stay there while a nurse held compression. We started talking and wouldn’t you know God would show off some more? Through our conversation it came out that she was a Christian.
Honestly, after that appointment I was pretty confident that this wasn’t cancer and two days later I got the news that it wasn’t.
Jesus was so present through this whole thing. He just kept showing up through people and music and circumstances. He is so good.
I also needed this wake up call in my spirit as I have been sort of asleep for a long time. I needed to a reminder of God’s goodness, that He is always there, not matter what the results would be.
I share this because I want woman to know that 80% of lumps aren’t cancer (from what I read online, this could be off of course). As I started telling others what I was going through so many other women told me that had lumps too.
Why aren’t we talking about this?
We only hear about the women who find a lump and it’s cancer. Let’s start talking about the lumps we find that aren’t cancer so we don’t freak out. Yes, not everyone will get the news I did but most will.
Also, I found my lump through a self exam, which I don’t do enough, it was completely random that I even did it when I did it six weeks ago. I encourage you to do your self exams.
So ladies (and men, if you are reading, encourage your wife to take care of herself), I’m telling you, I’m sharing my story, most lumps aren’t cancer.
Any other stories out there?