Genesis 5020

Stories for His Glory

Part XXXII-The Beginning October 5, 2012

Filed under: Melissa's Genesis 5020 — Melissa Finnegan @ 3:51 pm
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Before I move into today’s post I want to take a moment and let you know this is the beginning of the story.

You read that right.

This is the beginning.

I can’t wait to see all that my Savior has in store for my marriage and my family. Whatever it is it’s going to be good.

Although I will not write anymore “Part (whatever)” I will still write every Friday. You may not hear from me, you may hear from someone else who would like to share their Genesis 5020 with you.

Will that someone be you?

I hope so.

As I have been saying for weeks, we want you to share your story with the world. What has happened in your life that the enemy wanted to use to harm you but God turned around so He could be glorified?

Please share your story. Don’t hold back. Stop listening to the voice in your head that says your story doesnt’ matter, it’s not powerful enough. Your story does matter and it is powerful enough. If God did it, it’s powerful.

Send us your story at: 5020genesisstories (at)gmail(dot)com

You can remain anonymous. We can even change locations and dates if that will make you feel safer. But share your story.

Now for the beginning……

At the end of two posts I wrote a long time ago I ended with part of the story of Lazarus. You can see those posts here and here. There was a reason for that and today you will understand why.

Please read the account of Lazarus here.

I am Lazarus.

I had an affair. I was ill, near death. God could have saved me at any point during my journey to the pit. But He didn’t.

In those early days I wondered why He didn’t stop me, why didn’t I get caught before I fell completely?

I believe the answer is the same for me as the answer He gave to Mary and Martha when they asked why He didn’t come and rescue Lazarus right away.

He wanted to be glorified. He wanted me to know that He saved me, not myself or my husband, but Him alone. 

I picture the angels running up to Jesus when I planned my first  meeting with the other man. They are panicked, breathless with worry. “Lord, Melissa,  the one you love, is about to do something terrible.” 

 Jesus looks at them,  His eyes are full of sorrow. Of course He knows what I am about to do. “I know. Let her be.”

 The angels walk away but question among themselves, “What, let her be? Why?”

 I fall into a physical affair. But I am not done.

 The angels see I am about to make the same mistake again. They run to their Lord, “Lord, Melissa, your Beloved, she is making plans to be with the man again.”

 Jesus nods, tears glisten in His eyes, “Yes, I know. Let her be.”

 This time the angels ask, “But why? Why don’t we stop her?”

 Jesus places a hand on the shoulder of the inquisitive angel. “She must die. We must let her die completely and utterly to herself. If we rush in and save her she will not learn anything and I will not be glorified. I have tried other ways to get her to surrender to me but she will not listen. This time she will.”

 The angels walk away and they believe without question, this is the way it must happen.

 I am with the man a final time and I die.

Physical death does not find me, although I wish for it to claim my life. My death would be better for everyone. I truly believed this lie.

Jesus did not allow me to die a physical death, but a  death to myself.

 Under the weight of my sin I am finally crushed.

Crushed beyond recognition. The identity I knew so well for thirty years had been annilalated.

Slowly my heart  opens up to Jesus. I  feel Him hold me and breathe life into my heart.

One day, when I am ready to give it all up, He calls, “Melissa, come forth.”

 The real Melissa emerges, the Melissa I was always meant to be.

I am covered from head to toe in grave-clothes.

I have worn them my whole life but I never realized how constricting they were. I thought I was free. But my face is covered, my hands are bound. I am not free.

 “Remove her grave-clothes and let her go,” Jesus’s voice booms with power as He commands the enemy of my soul. The enemy has no choice but to obey.

 My grave-clothes are removed and I freely reach my hands to my Savior.

I see my sin, I see my shame but they have no hold on me. They came off with the grave-clothes.

I am free to be held in the arms of my Savior, the Lover of my Soul.

Child, you are never too far gone for our Savior.

Maybe you wonder why He allowed you to make some terrible mistake, or why did He allow this horrible thing to happen to you?

Perhaps He is allowing you die to yourself. Perhaps He is waiting to call you forth and remove your grave-clothes as well. Perhaps He has been calling you forth for years and you have not listened.

Today you can be free. You can be ALIVE.

Today can be your beginning.

Are you ready? Listen. He is calling you, “Come forth.”

As I climbed in my van this morning to go to work the song “I’m Alive” began to play.

I knew I was to include that song in this post. It perfectly sums up what God has done in my life since I answered His called to “come forth” and live. Truly live.

I am sure I looked like a crazy woman as I danced in my seat and raised my hands to my Savior.

Listen to the song here.

Beloved, I dare you to get up off your seat and dance.

Dance to your Savior.

Dance your grave-clothes right off.

Thank you Jesus. Thank you.

 

Part XI-Dying April 27, 2012

Filed under: Melissa's Genesis 5020 — Melissa Finnegan @ 12:46 pm
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Last week was tough. The enemy attacked Patrick and I like crazy. Not only with memories but I also became very sick. Not a great weekend at the Finnegan’s.

I titled this week Dying because the week following everything that happened I began to die to myself.

Sunday, June 7, 2009  I told Patrick I wanted out of our marriage. We went to sleep that night not knowing what was going to happen between us.

When Patrick came home from work the next day, he came to me with a notebook.  He started to write down his prayers. This would become a lifeline for him in the following days, weeks and months.

He was broken.

And he didn’t even know the extent of what I had done. So I thought.

He told me he wanted to give up some strongholds in his life. I honestly saw that as his way of trying to trick me to stay with him. Now I know God was working on him.

Patrick decided we needed to start doing nightly devotions together. That was the last thing I wanted to do with him. I said “Fine but don’t expect me to pray or anything.”

I couldn’t understand why he even tried to be with me. Why would he want to be with someone like me? Why didn’t he just let me go?

My heart was cold.

When Patrick tried to talk to me I would stare at anything but him and I just wanted to run.

Patrick told me to run. Run away from the sin, he said. I just wanted to run away from him.

On June 9 I as I was getting ready for work I saw on my vanity an index card that read: The Lord your God has chosen you out of all the peoples on the face of the earth to be his people, his treasured possession. Deuteronomy 7:6 NIV

Patrick had placed the card there. I read it and thought those words were not for me. Not after what I had done. I am no ones treasure. Yet, I had no desire to leave my life of sin. I just thought that was who I had become. I was an adulteress.

I remember Patrick kneeling beside me that morning. The memory will forever be etched on my heart. 

I looked into his blue eyes.

I see so clearly, his beautiful blue eyes that I fell in love with the first time I saw him. His beautiful eyes that both my children possess. His blue eyes that held so much sadness. Pain. Confusion.

He knelt beside me and said, “I forgive you. I forgive you for everything.”

I looked at him. I am sure with dead eyes and said nothing.

I knew there was no way he could forgive me. Not if he knew what I had done.

On my way to work that day I listened to Tenth Avenue North. Every song on their CD spoke to me. I arrived at work knowing what I needed to do.

I would end the other relationship. I knew I was missing a love affair with my Heavenly Father and I was trying to meet those needs through a person.

I composed a beautiful email to the other man telling him I needed to stop what I was doing. I needed to focus on my relationship with Jesus.

I pushed send.

I wish I could tell you that was the end.

Within minutes I felt powerless. What had I done? I just gave all my power away.

I quickly typed a new email telling the man I didn’t know what I wanted.

I lived in a state of complete darkness. The power I felt was great. I clung to it. I believed I finally was becoming the person I was meant to be.

This all seems silly now, but when you are in darkness you can’t see the truth.

Patrick had figured out the full extent of what I had done without me telling him anything. I tried to deny the depth of my deception for the whole week. But the Holy Spirit was speaking to Patrick in an unbelievable way.

He had gotten me to agree to counseling and if I still wanted out of the marriage after counseling I could leave. I was sure I would be out of there. No amount of counseling would change what I knew to be true

Patrick begged me to talk to a friend. I refused. How could I admit what I had done to my closest friend? I worked so hard at hiding it.

Friday, June 12 rolled around. I did email my friend and asked her to get together that night so I could talk to her. I told her I was in a mess. The funny this is, she normally goes out of town that weekend every year to celebrate her sons birthday. That year it didn’t work out and she was home. God knew. He knew I would need her. He is so good.

Before I met my friend on June 12 I met the other man once again.

Truly, I wanted to go and tell him that Patrick and I were going to get counseling for a while and then I would be back.

From my past I knew what he expected and I felt I couldn’t tell him no. I was with the man again.

When I pulled away from the man’s house that day I pulled away as a dead woman. Death consumed me.

Next week I would like to have Patrick share with you what was going on with him during that week. God was working in him in such a powerful way.

I want to thank you all for sharing this journey with us. I know some of you are very surprised by the things being revealed. I am being obedient to God. He has commanded Patrick and I to share this story. So we are.

If you think of it please pray for us. Reliving this is very difficult. The enemy loves putting negative thougths in our heads, making us question why we are doing this to ourselves. But we know we are doing exactly what God has told us to do.  We are living our Genesis 5020.

Now a man named Lazarus was sick……So the sisters sent word to Jesus, “Lord, the one you love is sick.” When he heard this, Jesus said, “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.” Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was two more days. John 11:1-4 NIV

Have you ever had a time in your life that you felt you were dying to yourself? What did that feel like?