I know I normally don’t post on Saturday but Jesus gave something to me this morning that I need to share now.
Yesterday I was teaching one of my choir classes and this sweet girl, who works very hard and is a leader kept getting thrown off and singing the wrong part. She sings rather loud, but I also know she is very sensitive. Yet I knew I had to make a decision that I thought would work in everyone’s favor and help the overall choir to do better.
I moved her to new spot. I explained that I did it so she wouldn’t be so close to the sopranos and that it might help her. She seemed fine at first and then I notice her shut down. She wouldn’t look at me and her normally spunky demeanor left.
At the end of class I pulled her aside and tried to get her to talk to me. I didn’t want to plant ideas in her head, I wanted her to tell me what was wrong without me saying what I thought was wrong. I asked if I said something to upset her or another student and she said no. I told her I couldn’t help her if she didn’t tell me what was going on. She quickly switched topics but I really wanted to get to the bottom of this.
She started walking away from me and I called her name a few times and then finally said it was disrespectful to walk away from someone when they are trying to speak to you. She stopped then and I tried to talk to her again. I finally said, “I just want to know if you are believing lies so I can tell you the truth.”
Still nothing. And that was the end of class.
Afterwards I felt so sad because I wanted to tell her the truth. That I didn’t move her because she was bad. I wanted to make sure she didn’t believe she was a bad singer. I wanted her to hear the truth but she wouldn’t listen or talk.
This morning I woke up early and had some time with Jesus and out the blue I started thinking about what happened and He switched out the story in my head. I was the little girl and He was the teacher.
He showed me that I have been doing this same thing for months. Jesus has been trying to get me to talk to Him, to confess how I really feel, lies I have been fully embracing and I’ve been doing my best to avoid the topic.
I’ve been sad. I don’t feel joyful. I feel like I’m a horrible teacher, a bad wife, mom, worship leader. Nothing I do is good enough for anyone.
That’s how I’ve been feeling.
But I haven’t gone to Jesus with any of that, not really. Here and there I will get glimpses of truth but I don’t let it into my heart.
Jesus has been saying, “Tell me what lies you are believing so I can tell you the truth.”
Overcome with the love of my Father. Overcome with the fact that He has been sad that I haven’t talk to Him about any of this when He is the only one who can fix it. He’s the only that can give me the eternal truth.
He has been calling my name and I’ve been walking away. Unlike me with my student, He doesn’t force me to stop, He just waits for me to.
Today I stopped.
He has actually been showing me the truth all week and I see it fully now.
I had a really bad day Wednesday. I was feeling like a horrible teacher and like I didn’t really know what I was doing. The next day a get a letter from a student that was so sweet. The biggest thing that grabbed me was this sentence: “We are so grateful the Lord sent you to us.”
This little girl had no idea how much I needed to hear that, but Jesus did. He did send me to them. I need to remember that. He gave me the job I have, I believe that.
Then yesterday a different girl, who is very shy and doesn’t really talk to me at all gave me a note that said, “Mrs. Finnegan, the best teacher ever.”
I think Papa is trying to tell me something.
Maybe it’s time I listened.
Have you been running away from Jesus? Is He trying to tell you the truth about something? I encourage you to stop and listen. Give Him the lies and He will give you the truth.